60+ Funny Valentine Quotes & Messages

60+ Funny Valentine Quotes & Messages: Cute Pizza Love Card Idea. Featuring a card with a heart-shaped pizza and a cut slice for extra charm!
60+ Funny Valentine Quotes & Messages: Cute Pizza Love Card Idea. Featuring a card with a heart-shaped pizza and a cut slice for extra charm!

Celebrate the humor unique to you and your favorite Valentine with a card that hits the sweet spot of your shared laughter. From punny to funny to LOL, via text, email, or print, sending Valentines is a win-win move. And we’ve collected messages and quotes that might be the words that speak for you and your funny bone, words that say, “I love how we laugh together!”

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30 Valentines messages
30 valentine quotes
Valentine’s day cards (Printable & Online)

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Whimsical Valentine's Day card featuring a cheerful hot dog and a smiling mayo bottle on a radiant red background. The text is elegantly displayed on a light cream card.
Whimsical Valentine's Day card featuring a cheerful hot dog and a smiling mayo bottle on a radiant red background. The text is elegantly displayed on a light cream card.

Easy DIY valentine’s day cards

Create beautiful valentine’s day cards with our easy-to-use editor!

Ha-Ha-Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love can be serious or seriously funny! If laughter is the love language between you and a special someone or friend or grandma, a Valentine with a sense of humor might be the perfect one. Keep a few things in mind as you choose messages for the people who love to laugh with you.

  • A personal touch adds connection to your Valentine. Is there a message that echoes a conversation or event that made it into the Hilarious Hall of Fame? Great choice! Or add a sentence or two of your own that does the job.
  • What kind of humor makes both of you laugh? Is there a type of humor this person would find offensive or just groan-worthy? Avoid that.
  • Make the message match the relationship. A co-worker you know only at work who shares your love of jokes might appreciate a Valentine with a little distance built in. Which your Significant Other definitely Would. Not.

In minutes, you can send smiles and chuckles and outright guffaws that warm the hearts of those you love a little or a lot. Valentines are easy to scatter on the winds of friendship and love and family affection via technology, snail mail, or a truly-old-school hand delivery. Who gets one first?

30 Funny Valentine Messages

What does your heart want to say? We have suggestions, or maybe our words will prime the pump of your own well of words. Have a look!

  • Unlike the toilet paper, my love for you will never run out. Happy Valentine’s Day Forever!
  • Will you say that you’ll be mine? Will you be my Valentine? My hopeful guess is a great big hug with the sweetest, “Yes!”
  • Happy Valentine’s Day to my huggy bear from your kissy face. Love you!
Valentine's Card Idea: 'I love you a little s'more every day'. Featuring a smiling s'more, with a heartfelt message. Paired with chocolate and a greeting-ready card.
Love you smore – Valentine’s Day Card
  • I love you a little s’more every day. You are lip-smackin’ sweetness, Valentine!
  • You stole a pizza my heart! You saucy thing.
  • Wishing you a Valentine’s Day you’ll love! So, candy, candy, candy, candy? Happy Heart Day, Skyler!
  • On Valentine’s Day, it can be difficult to be alone, but it helps to fortify yourself with chocolate,the remote, and a vivid memory of your worst date. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Adorable love-themed donut illustration holding hands with a coffee cup. Text reads: 'I donut know what I'd do without you'. Paired with an open card, a donut, and a coffee cup for extra charm!
The best couple – Valentine’s Day Card
  •  I donut know what I’d do without you. I donut want to know. Love you, Sweetie!
  • Valentine, I pick you. Every single day. Love, Riley
  • Orange you glad we met? Your sweet squeezes weaken my kneeses!
  • I wish you a beary Happy Valentines… With all my huggy heart!
Ewe Woolly Stole My Heart! A sweet sheep illustration holding a heart card for Valentine's Day.
Fleeced – Valentine’s Day Card
  •  Ewe woolly stole my heart. And it’s shear delight, Babe!
  • Grandma, your hugs are the best! Homemade, on the spot. Have a Happy Valentine’s Day, Grandma!
Boomerang illustration Valentine's Day card with the heartwarming message: 'May all the love you've thrown out there come back to smack you in the nicest way'.
What Goes Around – Valentine’s Day Card
  •  May all the love you’ve thrown out there come back to smack you in the nicest way. Happy Valentine’s Day, Mom!
  •  Be my Boo. Or I’ll be Boo-Hoo! Be mine, Valentine?
  • Wishing you a Valentine’s Day that’ll make you wag your tail! If you had one.
  •  Pudgy little baby child with a bow and arrow? No one sees that coming.
  • Good shot, Cupid, good shot. Love you, Valentine!  
  •  What do you call the world’s smallest Valentine? A Valen-tiny!
  • Have a HUGELY Happy Valentine’s Day, Cameron!
Sunny Rainbow Love Card for Valentine's Day. A cheerful rainbow and clouds illustration on a blue background, with hearts pouring out, and the heartfelt message: 'You shower me with love'
Favorite Forecast – Valentine’s Day Card
  • You shower me with love, Valentine. My favorite weather! Love, Alex
  • I love you more than… more than… It would appear I love you more.
  • Friends who love you, friends who support you… these are the true Valentines.
    Also, I’m single this year.
  • Some people make your heart go pitter-patter. You make mine dance! Best. Valentine. Ever.
You're the Glaze to My Donut: A Valentine's Card with a delightful donut theme, set alongside a tempting array of donuts.
Sugar Coated – Valentine’s Day Card
  •  You’re the glaze to my donut, the sweet to my heart! Love you, Valentine!
  • Mr. Walker, you’re wished a fun-filled day, wondering who sent you this Valentine! Thanks for teaching your heart out for us!
  • If this Valentine could talk, it would say, “Get me out of this envelope!” And then it would say, “Grandma loves you!” Happy Valentine’s Day, Sammy!
  • Valentine, I’d compare you to the most exclusive wines and caviars, but I don’t like those.
  • You’re more amazing than sweet tea and Moon Pies. Love you, Babe!
  • Sending you 100% natural, organic love, Valentine! Locally-sourced hugs and kisses to follow.
Capturing Love: A sweet hand-drawn Valentine's Day card featuring a photo camera motif, nestled alongside cherished photographs and an open card with a heartfelt greeting.
Framed – Valentine’s Day Card
  • Zoom in. Hold. There. Keep holding…keep holding… Forever is good.
  • I was gonna stuff all my love for you into your Valentine. But it was kinda like trying to get into your skinny jeans the day after Thanksgiving. Happy Valentine’s Day, Peyton!
  • Valentine, if you’ll be mine, my heart will ring with music! If we eat Mexican, it will be accompanied by a tooting section.

30 Funny Valentine Quotes

“Unknown” is famously productive when it comes to quotes, but some pretty famous people have also contributed humorous remarks about true love to the Internet archives. Which ones make you smile?

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”
Tim Allen
It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.
Lucille Ball
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
Quote by George Burns: 'Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn't show up on x-rays but you know it's there.' The text is presented in white with a paper heart and adhesive.
Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.
 George Burns
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.- will ferrel
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.
Will Ferrell
Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.
Rose Franken
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Bob Hope
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger
Quote by Chico Marx: 'I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.' The text is presented in white against a backdrop with a blue lipstick stain and a lipstick.
I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
Chico Marx
A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.
Sophie Monroe
Quote by Hussein Nishah: 'You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.' The text is in white against a green background, adorned with heart drawings.
You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.
Hussein Nishah
I understand Valentine’s Day, as a concept. The naked baby shoots you with an arrow, and you fall in love.
Trevor Noah
The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
Blaise Pascal
Quote by Jules Renard: 'Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.' Against a peach background, an hourglass with sand representing time.
Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
Jules Renard
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
Quote by Erich Segal: 'True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.' Against a pink background, adorned with delicate string lights.
True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
 Erich Segal
A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.
Dax Shepard
I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.
The Office, Dwight Schrute
Quote by Michael Scott: 'Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.' Set against a blue background, with a 'World's Best Boss' cup in view.
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
The Office, Michael Scott
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.
Unknown
The four most important words in any marriage — I’ll do the dishes.
Unknown
Quote: 'I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.' Against a green background, with a smartphone nearby.
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
Unknown
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Unknown
Quote: 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Especially when I’m all alone with you!' - Unknown. A joyful couple running together, set against a peach-colored background.
I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Especially when I’m all alone with you!
Unknown
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.
Unknown

Valentine’s Day Cards

Greetings Island has a wide range of breathtaking cards and invitations for every occasion, so make sure you check out our selection to get inspired for your next event.

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